my fucked up life

i dont know what to do with my love life anymore, things are so fucked up between me and beau right now, although his acting like nothings happened.. but theres so much to talk about, so much to think about yet he preferes to take nothing seriously.

i cheated on him, with his sisters ex bf, for about a month or just over a month we were seeing each other and last night i found out his been doing the whole internet photo swaping thing.... and he told me he fucked someone n the bathrooms at a club.

we were going through a rough patch and decided to take 3 weeks off and everything ( or i hope its everything) came out last night, i have this itch telling me that thats not all his done, i suppose i didnt really tell him everything either but for some reason i feel like theres more.

he told me he went to a nightclub by himself, that he was stoned drunk and doesnt remember much bout it... LIES! i hate when people use alcohol as an excuse.. you always know what ur doing even when ur drunk, to me there is no such thing as " i dont remember i was too drunk" anyway.. im cut... i dont know what to do anymore, i really love him and i want to be with him but i dont feel like thats what he wants anymore.. it hurts!

i just want a guy that will show me he loves me all the time, that will hold my hand infront of his friends, that will spoil me unexpectedly, that will be protective and not tease me bout my body!!

hmph... i havnt been on here in a while.. i guess u all know why know, that sums up the past 3 months or so... and yes im still a fat 65kgs wont be suprised if its more right now i just couldnt be fucked caring about myself for a while. i hope to be back on track soon