GRRRRRRR i hate myself

its like starting all over again.. still no weight loss..still not starving myself i give in everytime and i hate myself for it.. i found a awesome website 2medusa.com its great i got heaps of tips, i made a list of great annorexic matra's like: NO THANKS to food and YES PLEASE to thin... It feels great to go shopping and try on everything... it feels great to ask for a smaller size... laying next to the beach/pool in a bikini is better than being a blob on the couch infront of the tv... my boy can pick me up without dropping me in a few seconds (which is what he does now :( so depressing) nothing tastes as good as thin feels! because fat people cant fit everywhere.. because being thin makes you prettier.. and heaps more :) i paste them all in a paint file and put it as my background picture on my laptop so im constantly reminded that ana is watching me. its 3:45am and i have great hunger pains :) it feels good.

tomorrow (well technically today) im going to eat a pear and cut it into 6 pieces and have 6 servings at different times.. lots of water lots of coffee so i always feel full! 2 or more hours of exercise!! i need mum to stop making really good dinners its so crap i hate missing out on a good meal. but i have too.. i need too. who wants to be a fat slob? not me!

cant wait for summer i want to be skinny and dance around jumping and running round the beach in a hot bikini playing ball games and being silly with my mates and jumping onto my boyfriends back without making him collapse. i want to wear that sexy hot dress to a nightclub that shows off my skinny body... not rolls and rolls of fat, i wanna dance in nightclubs celebrating new years eve making all the boys want me cause i'll be hot and skinny and they'll all be jealous of my boy :) i want to walk round in my undies and not care what anyone thinks, i want to be the crazy wild chick i am without being too embarressed to shout and prance around feeling like my fat is going everywhere.